Why were these said
The constant threat of suffering is manageable.
Ashley - her back hurts from carrying the team.
A toddler isn't willfully ignorant of calculus.
Forgot to tell you that you don’t get any paid time off. Sorry man.
I think about Rome more than I think about Ted.
But Shaun, I have been a backwards hat-wearing mouthbreather ... you've seen the video!
If I was a musician, the name of my first album would be "Emulating G"
No, don't pay me back. I want to be able to hold this over your head for the next 2-3 years.
I think all future meetings should not include Bryce. They're way more productive.
There's a few suburbs I want burned down.
Maybe if Barbie was more culturally ubiquitous
Am I being fucked with? It is the most popular doll to have ever existed.
That [botched fresco restoration]'s definitely one of my favorite things that's ever happened.
In your whole life?
You have a child.
The glitch in the Matrix that is my brain
Reaghan has literally 1 1/2 legs and she's still doing more
If users wanna waste their time clicking on stuff thats up to them
Wasted time is a synonym for user retention in my mind
Also, unpopular opinion... but I don't like Corgis. I don't trust them [because] they look like they don't have knees.
You gotta listen to me when I talk to you
I love being toxic!
Why did I write cap on the board? No cap
Why is our company full of feminists
Crabs have ears?
I've never seen a donut so intricately made
I'd rather someone died for my diamond than not.
I only had one [turtle] that died, it was when we brought Millie to the bar.
Don't eat that.
one battle at a time tristan
today is not the diamonds are scams day
Bryce demolished you with three emojis apparently
I gotta be cringe to see cringe.
Tristan, I was thinking of you yesterday when I was watching the news and saw someone died.
Hi team, fyi I am volunteering on Tuesday of next week so I'll be out of pocket.
You know what would be a cool super power to have? The ability to create a portal beneath me that I fall through, and then another perpendicular portal opens up where ever I want, so I can use the momentum of falling to dropkick people, and then immediately teleport back to where I started. I think it would be really fun to do that to certain people (celebrities, politicians, etc) every couple of months to keep them on their toes.
It's DGTL: Mean Girls and Ashley is Cady.
Are you regina?
I was soooo hoping you would say that!!!
Can we change this to a working lunch meeting? Also, can we drink?
It's like the circles descending into Dante's hell
Good train memes are so hard to find.
you should have a license to post content
I like how you're laughing like I'm joking. This is my sincere response.
I alone stand against the torrent of Ashley bugs
I'm breaking your heart now so when the time comes, it'll hurt less.
Im like 80% sure i have a brain thmor
Skitsophrenia except instead of voices in my head it's tasks on my Asana board
I know you think it's based and redpilled, but honestly I think it's pretty cringe and not poggers
You are the epitome of delicate, Tristan.
Gaslighting? There she goes making up words again
I will slowly turn you all into evil little capitalists
What's a hard disk?
When it comes to salad ... I'm totally a boomer.
Remember when Shaun said "imagine seven Kristens"? Imagine zero Kristens.
It's crazy to me that people get paid millions to fight for a few minutes while there's people starving.
Why don't they just learn to fight?
I haven't been pleasantly surprised in 23 years.
Was it your wife?
Why are you gonna make me answer that, Tristan?
I'd rather create more work for myself than Bryce or Tristan. I don't want them to hate me.
Too late.
There's no dignity in Magic cards.
Just say I’m more black than Baraon.
Just imagine how huge my ego would be if I didn't have a nut allergy.
Homelessness is actually a very attractive lifestyle.
She doesn't understand things normal people understand.
Speaking of poppin...
Is that Ashley's poison?
Yep. It's pretty good too.
Well, it was kinda our fault because we were trying to scam them.
Bryce. Have you ever held a AA battery?
My brain is so smooth right now... not a single thought
you act like youve not been eating out safely in the panoramic
do you want me to die marleen
I've done it
You have a vet appointment? You should really consider a regular doctor, man.
I'm gonna send Alex a bunch of 🥺🥺🥺🥺 and hopefully she understands what I mean.
I already suffered through 9/11
It's only a lot of work if you do it.
I have all the stuff to hit stuff with, but nothing to hit.
you've never been more wrong, just accept it
I don't know if this is real and I'm not gonna fact check it.
There are worse people than me in the government.
Name one.
You're the face of the company, the CTO, and GOD???
Mark today's date, the day Peter actually liked something.
Earthquakes are just god trying to shake all the vegans off the etch a sketch we call our flat earth
Wow, Bryce isn't your homie?
Oh, I'm actually in San Antonio. I heard Baraon was coming so I left.
I will have succeeded as a leader when Ashley isn't nice anymore
It’s fake news Peter. You’re just trying to make Azure look bad. 😭
oy vey you guys drive me nuts
nuts will kill you don't drive there
IT'S MY NODULES, BARAON!
Oh, Neiman Marcus has a fulfillment center in Longview. I know that because that's where all my orders come from.
I don't abuse my dog, I just fat shame her.
I'm always worried that Peter's gonna tell on me to my dad.
I love that Ashley's homeless [...]
My lifestyle has been destroyed by corona and all baraon can talk about is ffmpeg 😢
chinese food IS italian food
but is bowtie pasta considered a noodle
like what about those kids who eat buttered noodlesthey're eating buttered chinese food
saw that on the twitter yesterday
I'm gonna cry
does this mean I have to freaking re do all my subtasks and make them their own freaking task
Peter you're broken
My 3-4 hours is still peters whole day
They have shotguns in the shire?
Maybe you have a really delicate mouth?
Marleen's face was killing my soul.
Marleen, I'm sorry you have to starve. You're honestly disappearing.
Really? Thank you!
I'm the only boy on the team. Well, technically, Francisco's a boy.
I want to walk in one day and you're doing something normal.
I will glue your lips shut.
You know what you need? You need love.
I THINK BARAON IS WORKING!
YOU HAVE TO SPEED EAT YOUR OATMEAL!
Just search for 'UWU' idiot.
Is this anonymous?
Instagram famous? Out the window. Tik Tok famous? That's where it's at folks.
A banana was not on my radar this morning, and then I saw THAT banana.
I dab on San Antonio every time I breathe.
Oh no, I forgot my race.
Why did I write "daddy" in my notes?
You know hamsters eat themselves when they're stressed? I can relate to that on so many levels.
That's why you grow out your bib.
Bruh, we haven't even played Magic yet. Why is your hair already messed up?
Go ahead! Get the flu! Happy Birthday!
Oh, you're still vegan, Malarie? I didn't think that would last...
I love my horses more than any of you.
I wanna be a rich weeb someday.
Getting tired of you people existing after I leave.
Hey, I heard you were vegan. I'm a pescatarian... ;)
You know the best part about being Gordon Ramsey? Every day you're fed by Gordon Ramsey.
A hot dog is not a sandwich.
Okay, but what if I put a hot dog in between two regular pieces of white bread?
Then that's a sandwich, but it's not a hot dog.
No trust me, kill the golden goose; think of how many golden eggs we can get.
Yeah, they were making fun of me yesterday because I have a house!
I knew, but I'm also friends with Alyssa.
No, no, no, everyone is below average.
My voice isn't invisible
It's not my fault I'm so much funnier than everyone else.
How do you not have Minecraft? You were homeschooled!
I just have this thought that I’m too tall to be kidnapped.
Time to buy a new wife. Let's go Russian this time!
I'm stupid. Actually, staple me.
I just want to see swag on a baby.
Forgive me Bryce for I have sinned
😡
Why are you using Marleen as a weapon
Hey guys, I heard this is the place to get lost in the sauce.
If I'm paying for a service, why are you bullying me?
Tristan, you're a four.
When I eat cilantro, it tastes like butterflies flying out of their cocoons.
I don't care about your feelings Baraon!
Wait no, I do care about your feelings Baraon...
But Peter though. Peter is dead to me now.
One day I'll be a real person and my car will be spotless.
It's more fun when you leave it to the last minute.
Ah. Feels good ... to have the wind blow between my toes.
I'm trying real hard to defend myself and y'all are making it difficult to exist.
What's the owl called? Owl. Owl. Hoo hoo.
No wonder it makes no sense, it came from my brain.
Bryce is an honorless penguin.
That's how I know it's good Baraon, when it makes me bleed.
The green dollar sign fixes ALL of our problems!
Where did you read that?
I didn't. It's called a fallacy, Peter, let me have my moment.
I can't hear you, I have Baraon in my head.
Sometimes I forget how good it feels to lay down on my bed.
You know when your maid comes to your house and doesn’t clean it the way you wanted her to and you wish you cleaned it yourself?
Wait, Robert can build himself? No. That's too much power. We need to draw a line somewhere. We're not going to build a terminator!
I treat everyone equally.
Except Emma, who is on a pedestal.
I think there’s a ghost in my head.
Madelyn says,
All white girls don't look the same.
She (Belle Delphine) is my personal hero.
Here's some glue, you can have some fun with that. Or... you can chug that ketchup.
Do y'all know where the Tylenol is? I've been sharing so much knowledge my brain hurts.
Peter, what are you? You are... nothing.
quack
Down with America.
Tristan literally believes he's Ted Cruz.
Someone's doing my work for me...
Doing it wrong!
Oh, it was me.
Edger, are you working?
How am I distracting?
Edger, let me tell you, that little girl needs a whoopin'.
If I was a criminal, I'd rob her.
Why have kids when your video games will be there forever?
I sometimes mentally "NANI?"
Can you look it up? I can't find the internet.
Peter is dead to me today.
Understandable.
Imagine the cost of living being so high it affects the donut prices.
Madelyn tried to steal me from me, Baraon, it's not happening, ok?
I'm gonna fight that little girl if I see her.
You don't get field trips in the real world.
I've always thought that if someone were to die from a shark attack, it would be me.
We do not want you.
I’m not sure I like post graduation Bryce, he has too much time on his hands.
Pete lives everyday
he live you,
he lives me
Two weeks? He can just start today.
Marleen, thank you for the chocolates. They are not as sweet as you.
I'm gonna bleed on you and make you worthless.
Shut your mouth.
This is what I think of your ... decorations ... and your holiday cheer!
We can do whatever we want.
How does one acquire lice?
Is Alex here? I NEED MY MAHA POINT.
But how did he find you on Facebook?
Wide net, looking for anyone. Caught the wrong fish.
He thought you were a trout but you were a troll.
But where's your proof?!
I don't need proof, I'm not a scientist! I'm an engineer.
But what if there's, like, seven Kristens?
Well, then. The terrorist has no reason not to make a meme.
All those dyslexic kids are sending Christmas letters to Satan.
A part of my soul dies every time I log into HubSpot.
Hey, I'm just the tax man. I don't care where it comes from. I have a quota and no moral compass.
No one can touch my precious Peter.
Those shoes are so distracting, we won't even get our website done.
Whoever is on the line, please stop breathing.
I think I love her. Is she dead? 'Cause the picture is black and white.
Please ignore Baraon and all his lies.
Like on the one hand I hate ads and I'm glad I'm not seeing any, but on the other hand I'm kinda offended that no one wants to sell me anything
I think I spent an hour last night researching notebooks.
I play so much Stardew Valley I forget other birds aren't called chickens.
Who is Jason Praiser?
A Pop-Tart is a sandwich? No, whoever wrote this is uncultured.
Sorry, did I insult anyone in the room?
Kim you know right before you die of drowning, you go into euphoria?
My goal is to look good for graduation … but I can't stop eating tacos.
I promise to be on time.
If I take off my glasses, I can pretend you're not upset at me.
Life hack. "You don't look angry to me!"
It used to be Netflix and chill, now it's just Vines and die.
Azure is the real virus.
Why are you Airdropping me memes?
Joe left at 12 and so did all the rules.
Remember when you were a kid for the first time?
I WAS A REAL KID STARVING IN CHINA.
It means that we have a slurping employee … and she works alone in the evening!
The only benefit I wanted was a full belly.
I'm going to frame someone else for my murder.
I feel like I'd be a good dictator, to be honest.
No worries Baraon - you work with Peter and Bryce - the "pain in the neck" is an occupational hazard 🙂
You're turning into Peter!
My days of making people dance for money are over.
I always feel skeptical about Peter.
What's the maddest you've done?
I will choke if I want to!
I forgot to order decaf so I felt like I was on crack all day. It was awesome.
Ooh, France and Belgium are playing. That will be exciting because they touch each other.
I know I'm an average person
A woman's place is in front of a salad. 🥗
I want to be on there for something I deserve.
Peter, remember that really terrible picture you showed me once?
Was it a selfie?
Peter I thought you could fix everything
Never go uh, full, uh, triple, uh, yeah…
Every time I say "Shut the front door," we'll take a shot. Of water.
We're currently playing Russian roulette to cope.
They entered the CS world, nothing is ever going to be graceful again.
This is how it happens. I'm joining the military.
Go home, Go home! 😡
Peter developed a god complex being so high up in the old office. Everyone looked like ants to him.
Every time I have to deal with Canva I want to rip my hair out!
I've tapped into my higher senses ... the 6th one.
But Bryces energy is particularly strong so I can read most of his thoughts ... it's pretty crazy in there, tell him he needs to dial it back.
I was a Millennial before Millennials
WHATABURGER!
I would probably get off Facebook if I could, but I can't.
Really? I love murders.
But it's out there with the commoners!
Blanche isn't about chickens, it's about love, dammit.
We're going to train people to use the tool anyway so it doesn't really need to be that intuitive